I had s*** to do today, so I’m not downtown. I wasn’t planning on covering at all, but I got guilt-ed into it because I really shouldn’t be missing out on my source of income…wait…no, that doesn’t make sense.
I’m watching this for three reasons: Corwin Nichols and Amy Krog.
Amy counts as two reasons!
I will give this a shot watching on the live stream. Maybe it will be interesting. I mean, the bar is stocked…
That should be enough, right?
And how bad can the announcers be?
Wait, is that middle announcer the annoying kid from Club Dread?
Oh.My.God. I couldn’t have even imagined…these guys sound more drunk and awkward than I do!
Wes Giddings (0-0) vs John Melina (something…)
Round 1) I’m having trouble even watching the fights as I listen to the “announcers” butcher background info. The speculation of Kelly Johnson’s BJJ successes just hurts. He won Absolute in purple belt at IBJJF you f*** wads! Yes, it was gi, no it wasn’t Arnolds or Grapplers Quest! I don’t roll at the Academy and even I know that!
Anyway, Giddings is landing far stronger strikes and controlling the pace of the fight. Melina goes for a weak judo toss and falls to the ground all but giving up back control. Giddings moves for an armbar but misses and Melina ends up in top closed guard, but does nothing until the final moments, landing a few punches at the bell.
It looks like the doctor is in the ring and checking out Melina…huh, and this fight is over.
Winner: Wes Giddings by Doctor Stoppage between Rounds 1 and 2
Tom Greylak (3-3) vs Melvin Cruz (missed it again)
Round 1) Greylak locks up and Cruz turns him into the fence. Cruz works for the takedown and lands in top half-guard. Greylak establishes his guard again and stays pretty active, but Cruz has a slick pass and moves to the back, digging for the rear naked choke.
The announcers seem to think that this fight is over and are ready to call it. Oh, wait, no it isn’t. The choke isn’t deep enough and the round ends. *sigh*
Round 2) Cruz bullies the action again and works to Greylak’s back. Greylak stays patient and gets back to his feet letting loose some strong punches and kicks that Cruz wants nothing to do with. Cruz pulls the fight to the ground with another single Greylak is a gamer and moves back to his feet. Greylak loses his mouthpiece and the ref breaks the action to give it back. The round ends soon after.
Note to announcers: the ref isn’t being jumpy, he was moving in to pause the fight when Greylak tied up. He broke it due to inactivity. Jesus.
Round 3) Cruz wants to focus on his wrestling, but Greylak has a slick sprawl, battling Cruz away with hooks. Cruz is not deterred and gets the ankle pick against the cage, once again having single focus on moving to Greylak’s back, but he is too eager and can’t get position. Greylak escapes, but it is short lived as Cruz gets another single. This time he gets a much deeper RNC, but the round is over. It’s going to the judges.
Winner: Melvin Cruz (30-27, 28-29, 29-28) via Split Decision
Brock Peters vs Codie Kahler
Round 1) Peters starts the action but Kahler gets the power double and top cross sides out of it. Peters gets back to his feet and gets the judo hip toss. Kahler gets his guard back and works for the armbar. Peters keeps his weight low to defend, but Kahler gets the armbar sweep and locks in the submission. Boom. Done.
Winner: Codie Kahler via submission (armbar) at 2:08 of the 1st Round
Matthew Thurstin (0-2) vs. Austin Swier (0-0)
Round 1) Thurstin has one of those Lion King stomachs that looks more like Simba’s face and he is all jiggly as he he throws quickly, but “The Buffet Slayer” (his actual nickname) calms down and lands some strong dirty boxing against the cage. Swier bails to the mat and Thurstin surprises with his agility moving well and getting closed guard. Swier is cut and leaking.
Whoa! Thurstin throws up a fast triangle and locks it in. Swier taps and collapses to the ground. He doesn’t look well.
Winner: Mattew Thurstin via submission (triangle choke) at 1:35 of the 1st Round
Blair Gutta (2-1) vs. Randy Lene (5-2)
Round 1) The two paw each other out a bit and Lene wants a guillotine off Gutta’s takedown. Gutta gets cross sides and defends. Lene gets his guard back and tries for a triangle, but Gutta slams out of it. Lenes put his legs up again, but Gutta passes to cross sides for a moment before Lene gets guard back. This round is a whole lot of movement, no real damage.
Round 2) Gutta wants the takedown again, but this time Lene locks the guillotine and pulls like he wants to take the head home with him. Gutta is forced to tap.
Winner: Randy Lene via submission (guillotine choke) at :38 of the 2nd Round
Zach Kellso (2-5) vs. Carl Deaton III
Round 1). Deaton catches a kick immediately and gets the single leg down to cross sides. He is bullying the action of this pro fight with excellent control and movement. Deaton wants the back, but Kellso avoids and eats some body blows. Kellso defends as Deaton get’s a hook. Kellso controls a hand and all Deaton can do is a few hammer fists. Deaton finally rolls Kellso over and sinks in the rear naked choke.
Winner: Carl Deaton III via submission (RNC) at 4:43 of the 1st Round
Blake Bergeson vs. Corwin Nichols
Round 1) I’ve been waiting for this one. It’s a little surprising to see Bergeson landing the strong boxing early on. Nichols moves away and looks a little gun shy, but that only lasts for a moment as he lets loose a flurry. Bergeson moves away and the two tie up. The fight breaks and Bergeson catches a kick, taking Nichols to the ground, but Nichols throws his hips up almost immediately and snags the beautiful armbar! It’s over!
Winner: Corwin Nichols via submission (armbar) at 1:03 of the 1st Round
Okay, I need to slow down on the shots, these fights are coming at me like machine gun fire. Do these guys have somewhere to be? Jesus!
Cully Butterfield vs Shane Dezee (I’ve given up getting their records. Couldn’t care less)
Round 1) Ha! Dezee’s record might be a bit off, but we’ll save that for another time. Butterfield ties up quickly and gets the bear hug takedown, immediately taking mount. Dezee turns over to avoid and gets flattened out. Butterfield continues his striking and Dezee is able to turn over into bottom half-guard. The ref is close to stopping things but doesn’t. Butterfield takes Dezee’s back again and flattens him out again. This time it’s over. The ref waves it off.
Winner: Cully Butterfield via TKO at 2:14 of the 1st Round
Yeah! I just saw Amy! Now I’m happy.
Ben Miller vs Dan Kiser
Round 1) Miller looks really awkward. Remember that Nick Diaz fight against Koji Oishi? Super weird stance and he eats more than a few punches and kicks for the strange homage. Finally, Miller shows some life as he falls for a heel hook, misses and goes for another. Kiser stands up and makes Miller follow.
Miller eats even more strikes before falling back and working his guard. Kiser follows, but postures up and lands punches and elbows almost at will. The ref is an angel of mercy as he waves this one off.
Winner: Dan Kiser via TKO at 3:30 of the 1st Round
Jonny Knutson vs Rico Washington
Round 1) The two feel each other out quite a bit and Washington slips as he kicks, but it right back to his feet. Knutson throws a kick that Washington catches and eats a punch down the pipe as the fight hits tha mat. Knutson closes high guard and is moving for an armbar.
He is persistent with it and Washington loses his posture, falling to his side, but is able to muscle his way back to top closed guard. Washington is able to move to half-guard then slip to mount, but Knutson escapes and finds himself in reverse mount as the round expires.
Round 2) Washington isn’t throwing anything and Knutson accounts for all of the strikes of the opening minute. Finally, Knutson gets a trip and slips to Washington’s back, looking for the RNC. Washington avoids for nearly two minutes before turning into guard. The two stand and trade a few as the round ends.
Yeah Amy! Finally! Between rounds and fights they’ve been showing those f***ing announcers just look around awkwardly or texting instead of showing off Amy’s how-to clinic on hip movement! Who is running that f***ing camera?!
Round 3) Both men trade what amounts to no damage for the first 90 seconds. Washington finally catches an inside leg kick to the d*** and needs a few to find the family jewels that now float around his kidneys (note that my annoyance over not-enough-Amy has left me bitter and punchy).
As the two men square up again Knutson is the aggressor but this fight isn’t going anywhere. Both men are too afraid of the knockout. It’s going to the cards.
Winner: Jonny Knutson via Unanimous Boring
Brandon Gardner vs John Castaneda (co-main event for lightweight championship)
Round 1) Sigh, this is five rounds, isn’t it? And with Castaneda this is going all five. I’m not typing all this. I’ll do Amy sitings and announcer bashing. Then maybe a result.
Hey! It’s Amy! Yeah…no, announcers, you don’t get to talk about her, you haven’t earned it with your horrible AM talk radio banter.
Whoa! The little dude just tried to sing along to Kid Rock and gave a “did you hear me say that line” look that wasn’t even noticed. He looks so sad. Maybe he deserves a hug.
Wait, I take that back. More ref bashing by the two guys who have been quoting wikipedia all event.
You know, normally I save turning the volume off of videos for Nicki Minaj, but I’m willing to expand.
Hold on, I need another beer. Someone tell me if the fight ends. Or if there is mercy and Bruce Hoyer takes over the color commentary.
I’ve switched to whiskey, hoping to pass out soon.
Oh, hey, it’s over. Looks like a decision. I’m guessing Castaneda due to some effort that was slow getting started but dominant in later rounds (his MO)
Winner: John Castaneda via Some Kind of Decision (volume’s off at this point)
Main Event: Nick Kirk vs Chris Befera
Round 1) Befera is sporting some awesome tan lines! I’m guessing landscapping or construction vest. Quite impressive. Kirk looks to be the more comfortable of the two in the striking, but Befera is throwing plenty of shots. It’s a hook that finally puts Befera on the mat and Kirk pounces to pound out the win. Looks like it isn’t so easy. Befera is turning and all Kirk has are hammer fists. Another turn, a warning from the ref and Kirk switches to elbows. It’s all over.
Winner: Nick Kirk via TKO in the 1st Round
Jesus, I need to stick with live events…if I’m ever allowed back in after this one. The little dude might get the guys who wrote Super Troopers to come after me.