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If you are like me, and I hope you aren’t (Hazeltine doesn’t have enough rooms), when you first heard the word Cryosauna you thought of this:
What are the potential benefits to all this? Too numerous for my ADD to list. So go to the website HERE.
Sorry, last one, I swear.
I wasn’t thinking about any pain at all, but there had to be more to it than that. I can hit myself with a hammer to forget the pain too, but I would rather not pay for it a few times a week.
This is my first ever write up from Chicago. Just spent the day rolling at an incredible sub-par level, now I’m doing Irish Carbombs and drinking until the mountains turn silver again.
I could get into the actual comp that I just participated in in the demilitarized zone, but I will save that for a later article. Instead I am starting a bit drunker than I usually start. So this might get surly.
Also, at some point I need to switch rooms (don’t ask, they say it is hotel policy).
First off, stop saying testicles. Yes, we heard everything on the live feed. All 200 times you said “test, test, testicles”. Stop it.
Though, I do appreciate all the F’n on the live broadcast.
Okay, enough. Sorry I don’t have more rambling prose this time, but I am in a little pain (pain that gets better with every sip) and let’s just f***ing get to it.
Oh, and I don’t have a list of fights and I can’t hear s*** on the feed so I’m just going to use first names for the most part.
Some Guy Name Clay vs. Some Guy Name Alphonse (or something)
Round 1: The Clay guy gets a little wild with a flurry and gets the takedown, he progresses his position and gets the baseball choke.
No guarantees the rest of this is going to be any better from a “press” point of view.
Winner: That Clay Guy at 2:13 of the 1st Round by Baseball Choke
Mike Waverick vs. C.T. Bailey
Round 1: Waverick pushes the action early and a flurry attempt gets him tossed like a ragdoll to the ground. He recovers guard, but C.T. works towards the back and sinks in a RNC without hooks. It’s too deep. Fights over.
Winner: C.T. Bailey at 2:21 of the 1st Round by Rear Naked Choke
Sweet! Got a lineup from my insider, but I’m not going to correct my mistakes, I always look forward to the next beer, I don’t get sad over my empties.
Angel Pachelo (1-1) vs. Steven Moore (0-0)
Round 1: Moore gets the head/arm takedown, but Pachelo works back to his feet. The two exchange some blows. Pachelo holds the fence and stays close to Moore. WHOA! Pachelo put Moore to sleep with a huge right cross!
Winner: Angel Pachelo at 1:24 of the 1st Round via KO
Adam Martin (1-0) vs. Sean Richman (0-0)
Round 1: Is the tall dude Martin? I wasn’t paying attention. Crap, the Frosty Mountains taste good. Okay, the two trade some shots, some attempts at flurries. Richman ties up, gets the bodylock, takes the action to the ground. Richman takes his back, sinks in the choke and Martin is OUT!
No, you douches, he isn’t actually seizing, well, he kind of is, but he’s just waking up. He’ll be fine. Pissed, but fine.
Winner: Sean Richman at :46 of the 1st Round by RNC.
Starr Roberts (3-14) vs. Codie Kahler (0-0)
Round 1: Sorry, I took a car bomb so I kind of got distracted for a moment. So, Codie went for what looks like a pretty good guillotine, but Starr avoided. Then he went for an armbar and it was kind of shallow…hey, that guy’s name is Starr. That’s kind of weird. Oh, the rounds over. Hey, there’s the new ring girl, Emily. She’s bouncy too. That’s cool.
Round 2: i was jerking off, well, not really, i stood up for a cookie and this f***ing Pollack just took my spot and decided to say that I was masturbating when it is well documented that I’ve had whiskey d*** since 1999.
Crap and in the time that it took me to explain that and watch one of the guys do another car bomb I missed a lot of the fight. At some point, Starr took a shot to the junk. Then he stood up and landed a big overhand right. Kahler looks tired, but he is still controlling as the action goes back down to the mat. Damn, Codie is loading up knees to Roberts’ ribs as he turtles up. Codie is trying to pound out the win, but the ref isn’t stopping the fight. Finally it is over.
The announcers are bitching. I don’t care. I want another cookie.
Winner: Codie Kahler at some point in the 2nd Round due to tapout from strikes
Just saw that we get Showtime for FREE in the hotel! Rousey vs. Kaufmann tonight! So there might be a point where I say f you all and start watching that. Please don’t take it personally. You get Amy fighting and that will get my attention too.
Zachary Keliso (1-5) vs. Pat Magdaleno (1-0)
Round 1: God d*** it! I missed it again! Magdeleno has the dude face down on the ground because I was trying to tell a guy why it is a bad idea to have a BJJ tournament in which everyone is wearing suits.
Keliso is trying to defend, but he is face down and looking like, well, me when I’m face down: f***ed. What the hell just happened, did Keliso just tap out? What the hell was that? He tapped out to a body lock?!
Winner: Pat Magdelano in the 1st Round via body lock
Okay, I don’t know if things are gong on right now. We lost the feed. Well, that’s okay, at the moment I was explaining to the guys in the room that standards are overrated. If you are partying or at the bar and you see a lot of 9s and 10s…believe me, they aren’t interested. And that 6 with the cute face will rock your world. Do it! Be proud of it!
Stephen Watt (3-0) vs Taurean Bogguess (14-6)
Okay, Bogguess is missing. Bogus! …that was weak and I apologize. To make up for it I will drink and beer, swear and give a really bad play-by-play of the next fight while watching the Strikeforce fights on Showtime.
Zaur Jalil (3-1) vs. Randy Lene (6-2)
Round 1: Jalil wants a takedown and evvvvvventually gets it. I’m gonna paraphrase: Jalil controls the top for the entire round.
Round 2: Another judo thrown to scarf hold for Jalil (go figure), but Lene isn’t going to make it easy and hook the arm to avoid any sub attempts. Jesus, these rounds go face for Ammys.
Round 3: A lot of pawing, the fight to the ground briefly up, Lene drags it back down looking for the guillotine but Jalil avoids and works to look for mount ending in top half. It looks like he is working a zeke choke. The action gets stood up, but not for long. Back to the ground with Jalil on top position as the round ends.
Round 4: Zalil wants it on the ground, but I don’t think this is what he had in mind! Lene gets in top quarter guard and he is throwing punches like his life depends on it! It pays off! This fight is over! Rande Lene is the new Ammy champ of some weight that I don’t give a s*** about!
Winner: Randy Lene at X of the 4th Round via TKO
Jimmy Zideck (6-5) vs. Nick Kirk (9-1)
Round 1: You know what, my bad guys. Totally missed this one. Here’s what happened: drunk dudes started talking. This is why I normally watch fights solo…actually, it’s the smell. But still we got to talking about stuff like Amy (it happens in ground of guys), BJJ, MMA, bbq potato chips, how to do a Plan-B sweep and strangely enough, Corwin Nichols. Weird. Anyway, Nick got the sub and I missed it.
For the love of s***! Who is fighting right now? I’m not even going to cover the fight because no one is telling me what is going on. Send complains to firstname.lastname@example.org I’m in Chicago, the sound on this f***ing sucks and I’m not Kreskin…how many of you know who Kreskin is? About 5% of you… fine…
Damion Hill (10-1) vs. Dan Moret (16-0)
Round 1: First of all, who does these records? Just sayin’…anyway…this is the fight I’ve been waiting for.
Wait, wait. Are you people f***ing kidding me?! I just heard that Hill got food poisoning and the fight isnt’e happening! I paid $9.99 to get f***ing internet access at the f***ing hotel! If I had know that I would have paid more attention to the earlier fights! I am not happy. Grrr…
The take it in the tailpipe just about sums it up.
Alright, Seacrest out! I’m drunk. G’nite.
Here’s what I got, let me know what I’m missing.
Also, it takes a really long time to actually type out the details. Just click the links and save me the effort.
08/18/2012: NAGA Illinois HERE
08/18/2012: IBJJF Chicago Open HERE
08/25/2012: Midwest Grappling Challenge (Souix City, SD) HERE
09/08/2012: MatMania Grappling Tournament (Rosemonnt, MN) HERE
10/13/2012: St.Croix Valley Grappling Games (Hudson, WI) HERE
11/??/2012: MTT Submission Only Gi Tournament (Eagan, MN) TBD
11/??/2012: Submission Hunt (Champlin, MN) TBD
11/02/2012: NAGA Midwest Championships
Here are the quick results for the fourth installment of the UFC’s fights on FOX, starting with the undercard fights.
– John Moraga defeated Ulysses Gomez via knockout at 3:46 of the 1st Round
– Manny Gamburyan defeated Michihiro Omigawa via unanimous decision (29-28, 29-28, 30-27)
– Philip De Fries defeated Oli Thompson via submission due to rear naked choke at 4:16 of the 2nd Round
-Josh Grispi defeated Rani Yahya via submission due to north/south choke at 3:15 of the 1st Round
– Phil Davis/Wagner Prado FIGHT DEEMED NO CONTEST DUE TO ACCIDENTAL EYE-POKE (from Davis)
– Nam Phan defeated Cole Miller via split decision (29-28, 28-29, 29-28)
– Mike Swick defeated Demarques Johnson via KO at 1:20 of the 2nd Round
– Joe Lauzon defeated Jaime Varner via submission due to triangle choke at 2:44 of the 3rd Round
– Lyoto Machida defeated Ryan Bader via KO at 1:32 of the 2nd Round
– Shogun Rua defeated Brandon Vera via TKO at 4:09 of the 4th Round
And Dana White announces that Lyoto Machida, with his performance over Ryan Bader, has earned the next title shot against the winner of Jon Jones/Dan Henderson.