“It was no longer a ‘race’; now it was an Endurance Contest.”
~a man smarter than I
He may not have been talking about MMA, but it still holds true. With a 17-fight card, those of us that have been seasoned to the fight game over the years start to dig in early, steady ourselves against the coming waves. The highs and lows of watching MMA are palpable. I, maybe more than most, suffer the lows with excruciating malaise.
To look at a fight card that holds no less than eight amateur fights and three…yes three, amateur title fights, one must brace themselves for the ebb and flow of a crowd tettering on the brink.
17 fights is a long time to ask anyone to sit patiently, respectfully, but for those who bought tickets just to see the main event fighters, well, the Gods have struck down men better than I fool-hearted enough to make an off-hand comment heard by inebriate ears.
Minds filled with the testosterone of desire for the blood spectacle that could ensue at any moment are rarely the same that can be trusted to pace themselves at a long stretch of overpriced mahagony.
It’s been about five years since I last graced the Myth with my off-beat brand of uneducated rants and ramblings. Only one fighter on the card is on this one, perhaps he is also the only one still competing in MMA all-together.
There are three things I know to be true in life (yes, only three): 1) The Gods hate the fighter that drops his hands. 2) When eating a banana, allows bring the banana to your mouth. NEVER bring your mouth to the banana. 3) There is absolutely no difference in my grammatical and spelling capabilities whether I am drunk or sober.
This has nothing to do with anything, it just so happens that I was eating a banana when I wrote that and needed to think of two other pieces of advice that I can pass along to the next generation.
Sam Khom (0-2) vs. Dustin Murphy (1-0)
Round 1) Murphy hits the takedown almost immediately. Khom looks to be grasping at straws, perhaps going for a guillotine, maybe a d’arce from bottom cross sides. Murphy is able to work out of it and grab for a guillotine. Khom rolls and Murphy takes mount. Khom flops from front to back but can’t escape, which is fine, because Murphy can’t find the finish either.
A side note to Khom’s friend in the audience: yelling “get up!” doesn’t help. I’m sure the thought has already occurred to the guy in the cage.
Round 2) Khom attempts and arm-in guillotine from bottom cross sides. Ill-advised, but I like his enthusiasm. Khom is able to squirm away and work his way to top closed guard, but is swept almost immediately by Murphy. Murphy works to lock up the Americana, but can’t get the tap before the bell.
Round 3) Khom throws a lazy leg kick and Murphy closes to a clinch, hitting an almost immediate outside leg trip. Murphy transitions to cross sides and locks up an arm triangle. Khom has no defense for it and is forced to tap.
Results: Dustin Murphy via submission due to arm triangle at :56 of the 3rd round
Otis Hamilton (2-0) vs. Ben Lindau (3-0)
Round 1) Hamilton lands a hard hook early and Lindau shoots for the double leg, dragging Hamilton to the ground and taking his back. He fishes for the rear naked choke and switches to a body triangle. Somehow Hamilton is able to squirm out and Lindau gets closed guard, working for a guillotine at the bell.
Round 2) Hamilton hits the double and immediately moves to mount, then back control. Lindau sinks in a rear naked choke and it looks solid, but Hamilton must breathe through gills, because not only is he not tapping, he’s escaping. Hamilton gets closed guard and throws up a triangle. Hamilton predictably tries to slam out of it but Lindau grabs a leg and lessens the impact. Lindau goes for a reverse triangle as the round ends.
Round 3) Hamilton reverses the early takedown and takes top cross-sides throwing heavy shots. Lindau turns for a kneebar and it looks very tight, but Hamilton continues to punch away at the ribs. Hamilton is able to spin out of it and Lindau tries for a heel hook, but Hamilton gets away. Lindau reguards and turns for an armbar working to lock it in as the round ends. I wrote this round absolutely slanted to the BJJ, but I know the judges will award the round to the takedown.
Results: Ben Lindau via unanimous decision (29-28 on all cards).
Ashe Magic (???-???) vs. Garett Sowman (0-0)
Round 1) Magic is a last minute replacement and I have no idea if I am spelling his name right. My beer is getting warm as I watch the two trade shots. Sowman is working lunging jabs and inside leg kicks…s*** I fell asleep, but both are still standing as the round timer wakes me up. Sowman might be bleeding.
Round 2) I wasn’t paying attention, but Sowman gets the takedown, moves to mount, tries for an armbar. Summary complete.
Round 3) Lindau gets the single, Magic holds a headlock in bottom cross sides like someone who doesn’t know better. Sowman mounts, Magic escapes. The round ends eventually. It wasn’t pretty, but Ammy rounds are only three minutes, so there’s that. Lindau won, let’s move on.
Results: Garett Sowman via unanimous decision (29-28, 30-27, 30-27)
Dave Zinda (1-0) vs. Michael Quinones (1-0)
Round 1) I’m not spelling both those names. They are Q and Z. Q throws hard early and Z gets the trip. Q works to his feet and Z gets it back to the ground. Forgive my apparent apathy. They are both working hard, just not at anything worth writing about. For the love of God! Someone check the oil!
Round 2) Q throws a spinning kick and jumps an arm-in guillotine. Z pries his head out and stands not long before getting another takedown. Q is able to finally throw up a triangle but apparently doesn’t know how to tighten in. Z survives for over a minute as the round expires.
Round 3) Q hurts Z with a spinning back kick to the gut but doesn’t pounce. Z recovers and gets the takedown…you know what, you know where all this is going.
Results: Dave Zinda via split decision (30-27, 29-28, 28-29)
Josh Treseler (5-4) vs. Joe Willson (1-0)
Round 1) Tresler shows some impressive takedown defense early and eventually gets the headlock takedown into scarf hold. He tries to pound out a the finish, but the ref isn’t biting. Willson is able to tie up Treseler’s arm just enough to survive the round.
Round 2) Treseler looks tired and Willson gets the trip takedown. Willson looks to move to back control, but Treseler does something with his leg and Willson taps out! He is holding his arm in pain. It looks brutal.
Results: Josh Treseler via submission due to straight arm lock…sort of at :43 of the 2nd round
Okay, I had to get the straight word from Treseler’s corner, Rigan Machando 2nd degree black belt Chris McCune. Evidently it was like a straight arm lock when controlling an opponent’s arm on your shouler (RNC defense), but he uses his leg against the underhook. Crazy strength to pull that off. Most unique submission I’ve ever seen.
Steve Cole (2-3) vs. Adam Hendricks (0-0)
Diorelle Ramoas (1-2) vs. Berta Gray (0-0)
Round 1) Ramoas controls this fight from the very beginning, swarming Gray at every angle and getting the takedown, working for a rear naked choke. Gray turns over to avoid, but Ramoas stays mounted and continues to strike for the remainder of the round. Vicious little bugger.
Round 2) Ramoas does more of the same, looking a little tired for all the effort she has put forward. Still, Gray looks timid out there, there is no power, little if any technique. It looks more like she learned to strike watching Tae Bo. Ramoas on the other hand looks like she wants blood and control another round wherever it goes. Still, for all the punishment she takes, Gray survives another round.
Round 3) Ramoas is looking tired, but Gray has not power to capitalize. Ramoas ties up for most of the round and works hard to finally get a double leg. Normally I am a huge proponent of women’s MMA, as long as the two opponents bring a good game. Ramoas is alone in the cage tonight.
And another f***ing decision. At least they are Ammy’s.
Results: Diorelle Ramoas via unanimous decision (30-26, 30-26, 30-27)
Justin Womack (1-1) vs. Ty Bowling (0-0)
Round 1) Bowling gets the double leg then the Americana from top side control. I hope you appreciate the brevity as much as I do.
Results: Ty Bowling via submission due to Americana at :58 of the 1st round
Eugene Crisler (7-13-1) vs. DeAngelo Curtis (2-3)
Round 1) Beers kicking in faster than usual. It’s called Goose Nuts or something like that. It works. Anyway, Crisler comes out throwing heavy but Curtis gets a huge slamming takedown off the guillotine attempt. Crisler gets back to his feet and works the crisper striking, but Curtis keeps getting slamming takedowns. Crisler jumps another arm-in guillotine…sigh…wait, wait, Curtis is out! Cold!
Results: Eugene Crisler via submission due to the other guy being unconscious at 2:48 of the 1st round.
Chris Hugh (13-9) vs. Jesse Midas (5-5)
Round 1) They tie up against the cage…against the cage…against the cage…the ref breaks the action and the two square up. Hugh loads up for an uppercut and Midas comes over the top with a right hand. They tie again and Hugh lands a knee flush to Midas’s face. Midas drops to all fours immediately and the ref waves it off.
Results: Chris Hugh via TKO at 4:57 of the 1st round.
Driller Promotions Straw-weight Amateur Title
Rachelle Bacon (1-2) vs. Raquel Magdaleno (3-0)
Round 1) Bacon works her reach early, but Magdaleno bullies her way in and gets the headlock takedown, immediately moving to mount. Bacon rolls face down and Magdaleno digs for the rear naked choke. Magdaleno gives the thumbs up, but then her hand taps the mat moments later. Driller has a Straw Weight Champ.
Results: Raquel Magdaleno via submission due to rear naked choke at 1:05 at the 1st round.
Bacon looks a little heated as she leaves the cage, claiming she didn’t tap, but a flat palm on the mat when someone is choking you tends to give a certain impression to referees.
Driller Promotions Heavyweight Amateur Title
Tom Krenzel (6-4) vs. Phil Hawes (3-0)
Round 1) Krenzel sticks a stiff jab early and that’s about all he has time for as Hawes throws bombs that drop Krenzel to his back. Krenzel covers and Hawes throws them fast and hard. The ref waves it off (remember this is Ammy, fighters safety is a priority. It was a little fast, but the right call).
Results: Phil Hawes via TKO at :15 of the 1st round.
As noted by a far better colleague than myself, the post-fight interview lasted four times as long as the fight. Welcome to Minnesota Mr. Hawes. I don’t call him Mister out of respect nearly as much as fear.
Jon Tarrh (14-12) vs. Nate Howe (4-2)
Round 1) Howe has cut a lot of weight for this fight. If memory serves, he was about 90 pounds heavier this time last year. I’m curious to see if that affects his cardio, or if it will matter. Tarrh ties up early and goes for the takedown. Howe jumps a guillotine but Tarrh pries out. Howe goes for an omoplata but switches back smoothly to a triangle. He eats some heavy hands as he tries to lock it and let’s go, but only for a moment as he locks it up tight again. It’s over.
Results: Nate Howe via submission due to triangle choke at :54 of the 1st round.
The crowd f***ing exploded as Nate got the tap. This place must be half filled with Warrior’s Cove supporters alone. Jesus.
Bill Finn (2-7) vs. Clarence Jordan (2-0)
Round 1) Can’t say much interesting is happening…okay, the spinning heel kick that lands up stairs from Finn is a surprise. Jordan looks wobbled and retreats. The Shark smells blood and keeps after Jordan, who doesn’t seem to have much in return, not even an attempted takedown. Finn looks to be gassing quickly, dropping his hands, but still looks for the big shots that are landing. Finally Jordan gets clipped and crumbles against the fence. I’d call it mercy that the fight was over if there wasn’t such a bad beating and outcome.
Results: Bill Finn via KO at 4:32 of the 1st round.
Alex Figueroa (0-0) vs. Ehsan Karam (0-0)
Round 1) Karam gets the takedown and the choke. Could be a crank, could be a d’arce. Doesn’t matter.
Results: Ehsan Karam via Japanese Necktie (? First time I’ve heard it called that) at 1:30 of the 1st round.
I’m proclaiming this streak of first round finishes on the card the greatest streak since Cal Ripken Jr. I’m a little drunk so I can’t remember if his streak was also for fighting, but I’m sure it was something.
Mike Hernandez (3-1) vs. Carl Deaton III (4-0)
Round 1) The two fighters meet in the middle of the ring and seem more than happy to exchange. Each circling and taking turns with small combinations leading into flurries. It’s Hernandez that gets the best of the flurries and clips Deaton, putting him on the mat. He swarms in, but Deaton is able to grab a leg and recovers. Deaton looks a little shaken and circles away.
Hernandez keeps on him and the two trade more shot. Oh s***! Hernandez lands a vicious punch and Deaton is asleep before he hits the mat/cage. He puts a few punches on the mark for good measure that seem to wake up Deaton, but this fight over. Deaton’s eyes are glazed over and he’s not sure why the fight is over. Someone will show him the video later.
Results: Mike Hernandez via KO at 3:53 of the 1st round.
Hernandez is about as excited as I’ve ever seen a fighter after a win. And he dances even worse than I do at a wedding. Evidently he fights for the troops and the fans and some guy he knows that fights UFC. Still, it was a pretty f***ing convincing win over a tough fighter.
Driller Promotions Welterweight Amateur Title
Gary Granholm (6-0) vs. Kyle Todd (5-2)
Round 1) I invoke my right to single sentence round explanations. Granholm won the round I guess.
Round 2) Todd got a takedown. Oh, and he won.
Results: Kyle Todd via submission due to guillotine choke at about 2:50 of the 2nd round.
Also, I lost my f***ing wallet. So if anyone finds a wallet with no money and maxed out credit cards, I wasn’t actual robbed. I’m just a writer.